Beer And Hockey Articles

Top Ten Ways To Recognize a Beginner

10. Brand new equipment

9. Everyone they have ever known comes to their games

8. Is the "greatest player in the world"

7. Sharpens skates once a year, whether they need it or not

6. Teams have pro-quality uniforms

5. Stabbing people with the stick is acceptable defense

4. 5 minute shifts

3. Goalies sleep through their games

2. Tripod stance... using the stick for balance

1. Whooooooaaaaaa!!!!

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Top Ten Things Not To Say To A Hockey Player

10. Go Pooh-bear

9. Hey, that's my boyfriend, leave him alone.

8. Yoo-hoo! Hey Sweetie, I'm up here.

7. If only you handled your stick that well at home.

6. Number 21 is really hot, he could melt my ice.

5. I really think you got in his way.

4. Which color were you out there?

3. You scored a goal?

2. Even the second best player to Tiger Woods is a good player.

1. Oh goody, it's cuddle time!

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Top Ten Ways To Tell A First Time Guinness Drinker

10. What is this? Mud?

9. Are you sure the Irish put the potato in the beer.

8. What is the shamrock on top for?

7. Any beer is chuggable!

6. What is this white crap on top?

5. Where are the bubbles? I should add some salt.

4. I'm not drinking something I can't see through.

3. Why would any beer need to sit before I drink it?

2. So with a car bomb, I put in a shot of... wheat grass?

1. I don't feel so well.

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

You know you're a hockey fan if...

Your idea of serving breakfast is giving each of your kids a fork  and dropping an Eggo in the middle of the table. You punish your kids with "minors," "majors," and "misconducts." When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns green, you stop. When you come to a traffic signal and the light turns red, you get really excited and start cheering. You consider the Forum in Montreal a place of worship. You keep a picture of the Stanley Cup in your wallet in front of  the picture of your family. Instead of duct tape, you use hockey tape to fix everything. You know the difference between "The Garden," "The Gahden," and  "The Gardens." You call a trip to the Hockey Hall of Fame a "pilgrimage." You think the Canadian National Anthem is the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada." You send Gordie Howe a birthday card, yet you can't even remember your own family members' birthdays. All your kids are either named Gordie, Bobby, or Wayne. You went to see "West Side Story" because you thought it was about  a game between Winnipeg and San Jose. You went into a bank because it advertised "Free Checking"...and walked out disappointed. When someone refers to "The Classics," you think they're talking about the Original Six. Your cure for everything is a couple extra-strength aspirin and a shot of Novocain. You can pronounce anything in French, yet you have no idea what it means. Every time you hear a siren you wonder who scored. You can say "Khabibulin," "Tkachuk," "Jagr," "Leschyshyn," and "Tverdovsky" without getting tongue-tied. Every time you see the name "Roy" you automatically pronounce it "Wah." You're not allowed to play chess simply because the first time you played, you misunderstood the meaning of the word "Check." You think the Four Food Groups are Nachos, Beer, Pretzels, and Rubber. Everything in your wardrobe is your team's colors. You still remember which teams were in the Patrick, Smythe, Norris and Adams divisions and which divisions were in the Campbell and Prince of Wales conferences. You know the difference between "The Edmonton Express" and "The You refer to your team's enforcers as "chippy players" and you  refer to other teams' enforcers as "f---ing little pieces of monkey s---." When you're at a game, you're not bothered when your kid says "&*(#$#-----!" but when he says "shutout" before the game is over, you threaten to wash his mouth out with soap. You wonder what Miroslav Satan did to become the Prince of Darkness and Ruler of Hell. You think the proper way to spell the plural of "leaf" is "leafs." You can name all the Sutter brothers in order. You refer to summer as "off-season". You threaten the Zamboni driver that you will stuff his cat in the dryer on the fluff cycle if he doesn't let you take that bad boy for a spin around the ice...

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU HAVE A BAD GOALIE

1.  Instead of water, he keeps screwdrivers on the net.
2.  His skates have toe picks.
3.  Throughout the game the crease turns from blue to yellow.
4.  Refer's to the puck as a "slippery little devil."
5.  As soon as the goal judge see's him, begins to tape his red light finger.
6.  Every time he hears a loud noise, he drops to the ice and covers his head.
7.  Prefers to stand behind the net because it is safer.
8.  Has chronic neck pain from watching the puck fly by.
9.  Butterfly position looks more like a caterpillar
10.  Compared to everyone else on the team he seems normal.
 

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Top Ten Signs You Might Get Sent Down To The Minors 

   10.    Your name is attached to your jersey with Velcro.

        9. On road trips they make you sleep in the bus.

        8. You need two forms of I.D. to get into the locker room.

        7. You don’t get to participate in the secret Santa drawing.

        6. Everybody gets you confused with the stick boy. 

        5. You have to buy a ticket to get into the game.

        4. The only time you play is in the kids game between periods.

        3. The team equipment they give you is pieced together from the lost and found.

        2. You have to take the team picture.

    1.  You only have to sharpen your skates once a month.

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

When you are sad, I will give you a beer, slap you, and say, "Cry me a fucking river you fat fucking baby... Now drink up."

When you are scared, I will comfort you... and try to convince you that they will not search the trunk.

When you are worried, I will buy not one but two cases. That ought to hold us until 8pm.

When you are lost, I will lead you back to your room... so that you can pass out with your boy/girlfriend and they can take care of your drunk ass.

When you are hungry, I will be a true friend... and keep you from adding on to your fat ass and hide the post-drinking munchies.

When you are delirious with superhuman strength, I will sit your ass on the couch... and keep you from getting your drunk ass kicked.

When you are confused, I will explain to you how sometimes ugly people look like supermodels when you are drunk.

This is my oath... I pledge until the end. Why you may ask?

Because you're my beer drinking friend! Send this to everyone you've ever slammed a few down with. It won't bring you good luck or lot's of lovin' or any of that shit that all the other letters promise, but it will let everyone know that you are a true beer drinking friend!

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Top Ten Ways to Make Hockey More Exciting

(Thanks David Letterman)
 
10. During playoffs, players dress up as their favorite Ice Capades character
9. Canadians must play in bare feet
8. All penalty minutes must be served sitting next to that guy who played "Doc" on "The Love Boat."
7. Just barely visible under ice: frozen body of Walt Disney
6. Replace Zamboni with Ford Bronco
5. Your New Jersey Devils starting goalie--Miss Katharine Hepburn
4. New snack bar item: player's missing teeth dipped in fudge
3. Every team roster must include one lesser known cast member from "The Love Boat"
2. Only guys named Stanley get to wear a cup
1. Let Michael Jordan take a crack at it
 

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Top Ten Canadian Complaints About Americans

(Thanks David Letterman)

 
10. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel.
9. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.
8. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling.
7. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow".
6. In American encyclopedias, Canada often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor".
5. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot.
4. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan.
3. Two words: "Weird Al".
2. Sick of that gap-toothed loser on "The Late Show with Paul Shaffer".
1. Not enough guys named "Gordie".

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Top Ten Reason's To Visit This Website

10.  Beer and Hockey, what else is there?....That you don't have to pay for on the internet.
9.  Hey, You don't have anything better to do.
8.  You have a reason to drink... it's research.
7.  You have a reason to go to a hockey game... also research.
6.  Has a Zamboni Driver ever lied to you?
5.  When everyone is talking about it, you can say you were there.
4.  Did anyone say, humpin' things?
3.  Just sounds cool.
2.  Submit a picture, come see yourself
1.  We want it to be your website.
 

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

POLICE WARNING!

    Police warn all clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target  unsuspecting men.

    The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

    Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of  “beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

    Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will  often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

    After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.  At other times these unfortunate men  are swindled out of their life's  savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship".  Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and  sex  is offered by the predatory female.

    Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with  venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking  encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like minded guys.

    For the support group nearest you, just look up "Hockey Rinks" in the yellow pages.

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Quick Thinker

    A man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."

    As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
    Later the manager found the boy and said "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?"
    “Canada, sir," the boy replied.

    "Well, why did you leave Canada," the manager asked.

    The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there."
    "Really!" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada!"

    The boy replied, "No shit??? Who did she play for?"

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

HOCKEY MOVIES

Paperback Hero (1973)
Slap Shot (1977)
The Deadliest Season (1977)
Miracle on Ice (1981)
Hockey Night (1984)
Touch and Go (1986)
Youngblood (1986)
The Cutting Edge (1992)
The Mighty Ducks (1992)
D2: The Mighty Ducks (1994)
Net Worth (1995) (TV)
Sudden Death (1995)
D3: The Mighty Ducks (1996)
Lance et compte (1986)
Boy Who Drank Too Much, The (1980) (TV)
Les Boys (1997)
Face-Off (1972)
Gross Misconduct (1993/II) (TV)
Happy Gilmore (1996)
Idol of the Crowds (1937)
The Last Time I Ever Scored (1999)
Mystery, Alaska (1999)
Strange Brew (1983)
The Sweater (1980) 
At First Sight (1998 or 1999???)

MVP (2001)

Slapshot 2 (2002)

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Check Out This Headline From The Oilers Website!

01/25/2002 - OILERS GIVE READING A SHOT The Edmonton Oilers are pleased to announce that reading just paid off for 576 Edmonton Public School students, who will be attending Monday’s game against Detroit. The lucky students won their tickets after they were entered into a draw promoted by the Edmonton Oilers and the Oilers' Copper Jackets. The incentive program, called “Reading … Give it a Shot” encourages students in grades 4 to 6 to read five books in one month. When they accomplish the goal, the class is entered into a draw to win tickets to watch Oilers hockey. This group of students read 2,880 books! Congratulations. The next draw will soon take place for a new group of students to attend the February 12th game against San Jose. Tickets for the game are purchased by local Edmonton businesses.

Note From The Editor: Thanks to the Oilers for such a great program, just thought that the headline was too good to pass up!

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

  50* Fahrenheit (10* C) New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.
  40* Fahrenheit (4.4*C) Californians shiver uncontrollably.
Canadians sunbathe.
  35* Fahrenheit (1.6*C) Italian cars won't start. Canadians drive
with the windows down.
  32* Fahrenheit (0* C) Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets
thicker.
  0* Fahrenheit (-17.9*C) New York city landlords finally turn on the
heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season.
  -40* Fahrenheit (-40* C) Hollywood disintegrates. Canadians rent
some videos.
  -60* Fahrenheit (-51* C) Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl
Guides sell cookies door-to-door.
  -100* Fahrenheit (-73* C) Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Canadians pull down their ear flaps.
  -173* Fahrenheit (-114*C) Ethyl Alcohol freezes. Canadians get
frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
  -460* Fahrenheit (-273*C) Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"
  -500* Fahrenheit (-295* C) Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple
Leafs win the Stanley Cup

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

"We Fought The League And The Avs Won" by Jodi Wright

"We fought the League and the Avs won"

Went to the Pepsi Center, was a lot of fun

We fought the Rangers and the Avs won

We fought the Rangers and the Avs won

Gotta love those Avs, yeah they're second to none

We fought the Panthers and the Avs won

We fought the Panthers and the Avs won

We beat the Flames and the Caps real bad

We beat the Predators good

This is the best team Colorado's ever had

We fought the Sabres and the Avs won

We fought the Sabres and the Avs won

Forsberg's on another scoring run

We fought the Bruins and the Avs won

We fought the Bruins and the Avs won

Sakic, Bourque, Deadmarsh and Tanguay are some

We fought the Coyotes and the Avs won

We fought the Coyotes and the Avs won

We beat the Flyers and the Sharks real bad

We beat the Canadiens good

This is the best team Colorado's ever had

We fought the Thrashers and the Avs won

We fought the Thrashers and the Avs won

Patrick Roy gets the job done

We fought the Kings and the Avs won

We fought the Kings and the Avs won

Drury's gonna score a ton

We fought the Blackhawks and the Avs won

We fought the Blackhawks and the Avs won

We beat the Lightning and the Blues real bad

We beat the BlueJackets bad

This is the best team Colorado's ever had

We fought the 'Canes and the Avs won

We fought the 'Canes and the Avs won

Hejduk scores another big one!

We fought the Ducks and the Avs won

We fought the Ducks and the Avs won

We've got some great rookies that are going to stun

We fought the Wild and the Avs won

We fought the Wild and the Avs won

We beat the Leafs and the Canucks real bad

We beat the Islanders good

This is the best team Colorado's ever had

We fought the Sens and the Avs won

We fought the Sens and the Avs won

We'll beat the Red Wings and the Stars real bad

We'll beat the Devils good

This is the best team Colorado's ever had

We'll play for the Cup and the Avs'll win

We'll play for the Cup and the Avs'll win

GO AVS!

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

You Know You're A Redneck When...

2001 Edition:

• You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

• You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.

•  Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.

• Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

• You burn your yard rather than mow it.

• You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.

• The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

• Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

• You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

• You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

• You come back from the dump with more than you took.

• You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

• Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

• Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.

• You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

• You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

• You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

• Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

• You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.

• You took a fishing pole to Sea World.

• You go to the car races and don't need a program.

• You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

• You have a rag for a gas cap.

• Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.

• Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.

• You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

• You can spit without opening your mouth.

• You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

• Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

• You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.

• You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

• The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

• Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

• You thought the Unabomber was a wrestler.

• You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

• You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.

• Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home

• A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of improvement.

• You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.

• You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

• You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

• Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you take them out to see what it is.

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

GOOD IDEAS WITH MAIL

When you get ads in your phone or utility bill, include them with the payment. Let them throw it away.

When you get those pre approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd mortgages and junk like that, most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right? Well, why not get rid of some of your other junk mail and put it in these cool little envelopes! Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express... Or a pizza coupon to Citibank... If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them their application back! If you want to remain anonymous, just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. You can send it back empty if you want to just to keep them guessing!

Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting all their junk back in the mail... Let's let them know what it's like to get junk mail, and best of all THEY'RE paying for it! Twice!

Let's help keep our postal service busy since they say e-mail is cutting into their business, and that's why they need to increase postage again!

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

Investment Advice

Think about this....

If you had bought $1000 worth of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49. If you had bought $1000 worth of Budweiser (the beer, not the stock) one year ago, consumed all the beer, and traded in the cans, at a redemption center for the nickel deposit, you would have $107.

Given the current conditions of the economy, my advice is to drink heavily and recycle

Click On "Reggie" To Read More Articles

<